Sick of pointless stats

I heard an interesting stat on Sports Center tonight. As of this morning, Alex Rodriguez has gone 38 at-bats since his last home run, which was number 599. This gives him the most-at bats without a homer for a player one shy of 600.

You heard it right. Save your paper tomorrow, mark it on your calendar. This is BIG NEWS.

Or, rather, it would be... if it weren’t stupid. Anyone with a 2nd-grade knowledge of baseball knows that there are only a handful of guys in history who have hit 599 home runs. I’ll name them: Ruth, Aaron, Mays, Bonds, Sosa, and Griffey. This makes A-Rod the first in a field of seven. The 85th percentile, if you will.

Does Sports Center really think we are stupid enough not to realize how inane that stat is? I think “Alex Rodriguez has the 7th most home runs of anyone in the 100+ year history of Major League Baseball” would have more impact.

I bring this up because I hear pointless stats like this on a regular basis. I distinctly remember watching a baseball game in the late 90s and hearing something like “the Yankees are the first team to have two starting pitchers over the age of 40 throw at least 80 pitches a World Series game.”

While it’s 70 degrees Fahrenheit. With precisely 41,462 people in attendance. As a blue bird flies over the stadium and poops on section 147.

(It was Roger Clemens and Randy Johnson, in case you were wondering.)

I seriously think there’s a room full of geek statisticians who run regressions day and night... maybe trying to wow us, or perhaps looking to fill the dead air during the 97 times each batter adjusts his gloves, socks, and cup before each pitch.

And really, these geeks aren't necessary, because anyone with half a brain could come up with one of these stats.

Here, I have one. Derek Jeter is the only starting Yankees shortstop to win a World Series in the 21st century. (He’s also been the Yankees shortstop for the past 15 years, but it doesn’t matter.) You throw the word “only” or “first” into a sentence, and BOOM, you have a Sports Center-worthy stat.

The Cleveland Indians are the only team to trade two consecutive reigning Cy Young winners at the deadline and then have them face each other in game 1 of the next World Series.

Heck, Dallas Braden is the only A’s pitcher to start a home game while I have been sitting in section 209, row L. Tim Lincecum was the first Giants pitcher to face the Washington Nationals while I ate a Ghirardelli chocolate sundae.

The New York Yankees were the first team to score 5 runs against the A’s on $1 dog day in less time than it took me to get to the front of the line at the only concession stand at the Coliseum that serves veggie dogs. (Okay, that one's a stretch, but I'm still bitter about that long line.)

Maybe instead of trying to blow our minds with insignificant stats, ESPN should delve into the deeper questions. Like, why are we trivializing A-Rod’s quest for 600 because he admitted to using steroids, while the current record holder is going on trial for juicing? And why does Luis Valbuena , who was just called back up from the minors, make more money than the President of the United States?