Renaming my dad's car

A few years ago, my dad purchased a Chrysler 300C. You know, the one that’s sort of boxy with the big grill, that looks like a pimpmobile from a P Diddy music video?

We picked on him for weeks… heck, we still pick on him. He loves that car. He never lets anyone drive it. He keeps it so clean it sparkles, and parks it a mile away from his office on the far side of the parking lot so no other cars come near it.

We bought him dice and gave him beads to hang from the rearview mirror. We wanted to name it after a rapper, but my dad wouldn’t have it. Finally, we decided on LeBron. It was perfect. For years, LeBron was a valuable and revered member of the household.

Then, in a massive self-promoting flash, it became the worst name in the history of car-naming.

My dad’s response: “I’m not the one who named it. You were the ones who insisted on naming it LeBron.”

Fair enough. But regardless, we had to find a new name for it. It had to be “hood” without conjuring up unpleasant memories. We came up with a few really bad ideas:

1) Antawn … probably the most high profile Cavalier left, for however long he lasts. Also is a former UNCer with, in my opinion, great character. My dad rejected it immediately. Obviously this is still a sore spot for him.

2) Another Cleveland athlete... how about Josh [Cribbbs]? Grady [Sizemore]? Fausto [Carmona]? Not exactly what we're looking for.

3) Historical Cleveland athletes. Since they’re retired, we know they won’t break our hearts. Jim [Brown]? Larry [Doby]? Bob [Feller]? Is it just me, or do Cleveland legends have really dull names?

4) An unpronounceable symbol that means “the vehicle formerly known as LeBron”

With the discussion going nowhere, we landed on the only viable solution: mobsters.

My dad’s car is now named Silvio. As in Silvio Dante, the consigliore from The Sopranos.

Silvio is a badass. He doesn’t take crap from anyone. He has bling. He could totally drive a 300C.

He didn’t turn traitor. He was loyal to Tony Soprano until the end, and took out other traitors. He didn’t turn on the family, unlike others that shall remain nameless.

So, meet Silvio. It’ll be tough to get used to the new name, but if P Diddy can change names every 8 months, this car can do it once.